2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) Review

I left “The Fast and the Furious” eager for more, which surprised me enough. I now leave “2 Fast 2 Furious”, the sequel to that brainless gem, with remorse and indignation. My wrongdoing was apparently to allow myself to be filled with optimism again which I haven’t done since I saw “Godzilla” and “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” over a year ago. The indignation spawns from how unfair it is that John Singleton, the director of “Boyz n the Hood” which bought him an Oscar nod for best director and best screenplay, fails so spectacularly at a formula that seems so simple. It is mind numbing to think that a movie so similar to its predecessor could be so much worse. Fast cars I can find anywhere, the job of the Director is to convince me that cars smaller than my hand travelling from one end of my screen to another are really going very, very fast. The cars are fake and so they feel fake and any sense of speed that would be derived from the use of an actual real life vehicle (shock! horror!) is left in the CGI dust.

Paul Walker is the only cast member from “The Fast and the Furious” to return for the sequel, which attempts to alleviate the cumbersome use of “the” before each adjective but instead ends up creating a grossly misleading title. The movie was too lazy to explain the back story sufficiently in the actual film so we are provided a “Turbo Charge Prelude” to fill in the blanks. Which is possibly the laziest way to keep people up to date I have ever seen. You might assume that this prelude explains what happened in the first movie for those who haven’t seen it? No, that would be a good idea. This prelude bridges the gap between each film, despicable.

Either way Walker is back as Brian O’Conner who has been on the run from the FBI after the events in the previous film, and he makes his way in Miami doing street races and making unbelievable amounts of money from it. This of course leads us into the opening race sequence which is near identical in set up to the first race in “The Fast and the Furious”. This time however, the race is drawn out like Guy Fawkes (I guess each car represents the quarters in this analogy) and instead of using practical effects which gave the action sequences in the first film a real kinetic tangibility, we are treated to CGI cartoon cars.

John Singleton’s attempt to blatantly recreate Rob Cohen’s scene from the first film fall absolutely flat. A ramp is created which Paul Walker uses to overtake an opponent by literally flying over him in midair and crashing back down onto the tarmac. Its a shame that the use of cars that are clearly not their is only compounded by Singleton shooting the seconds long “stunt” with more cuts than Regan MacNeil.

After winning the race and earning his pay Walker is found by the FBI and he is given an offer to once again go undercover in exchange for having his record wiped clean. O’Conner reluctantly accepts, on the condition that he can pick his co-driver. The lucky man is Roman Pearce played by Tyrese Gibson (credited as Tyrese) who seems to hate O’Conner for being a cop once and blames him for being sent to jail for three years. This attempt to usher in conflict quickly becomes tired and reduced to occasionally bringing it up with Gibson producing a snarl. Very sinister stuff.

On they go, hand in oily hand, to take down the drug lord Carter Verone (Cole Hauser) and boy I can’t wait to see more racing! The issue still remains, none of the action sequences in “2 Fast” are in anyway exciting. the only inventive thing Singleton does in the entire run time is invent a method of torture in which you place a rat in a bucket face down on someones stomach then you heat the bucket with a blowtorch. The only way the rat can escape is by tunneling down, pretty gruesome stuff and it managed to bring the number of emotions I felt whilst watching the film up to a grand total of two. Distress during the torture scene (which doesn’t come to gratuitous fruition thank goodness) and relief when the credits gracefully roll.

I didn’t expect a plot worth a damn but without enjoyable racing to back it up “2 Fast 2 Furious” becomes an abysmal waste of time with practically nothing to offer other than annoyance whilst watching the dreadful Walker and Gibson exchange the word “Brah” as a replacement for the full stop. My enthusiasm for the series has been dashed violently across the tarmac and I now dread the proceedings.

3/10

The Fast and the Furious (2001) Review

“The Fast and the Furious” is a whirlwind of simplistic virtues. With the release of the seventh movie of the franchise I decided to undertake the task of watching the previous six movies. I am a longtime sufferer of sequel syndrome and refuse to watch a movie without having seen the previous, it’s an incurable affliction. So here I am, starting at first base and just now realising that this analogy will only apply to a quadrilogy, but I digress. As simple as it is, “The Fast and the Furious” is sufficiently stylish and vibrant enough that it becomes easy to appreciate how Rob Cohen brings these elements together. There is nothing new here of course, but these cars go really, really fast.

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Cinderella (2015) Review

I’ve watched the previews; seen the trailers and read the reviews. Many of them say the same thing in their own unique order: ‘I had absolutely no desire to see “Cinderella” when it first came to my attention’. Who can blame them? There’s an inescapable cast iron ball of assumption attached to the ankle of “Cinderella” that can be directly attributed to recent attempts such as like “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”, “Mirror Mirror” and “Alice in Wonderland”. My opinions aside, the general reception of the modern movie adaptation of the classic Disney fairy tale is fairly mute. Then comes “Cinderella”, somewhat unannounced in the years first quarter, to show those movies how its done. Buy your ticket online so that you aren’t dissuaded by the “G” rating, the glitter and — In what will be your most trying test — the little girls dressed in frilly blue dresses that threaten to make you think better of yourself. “Cinderella” is a light but nonetheless enjoyable film that may be somewhat forgettable for playing it safe but is a great deal of fun without a talking rat in sight.

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Cast Away (2000) Review

“Cast Away” is in some ways a pseudo-bottleneck movie, it removes something that would usually be considered crucial to the smooth operation of any movie, characters. Or at least for the most part, before our protagonist washes up on the unnamed island we see him propose to his fiancé whilst furiously trying to rearrange work schedules to be there for her. It is the island though, that is the soul of “Cast Away” and I have huge respect for Robert Zemeckis who has managed to create a lengthy and consistently engaging movie using almost just the dedication to acting demonstrated by Tom Hanks and his heartfelt method of film making.

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Casino (1995) Review

The Mafia is the most interesting crime organisation out there, and Martin Scorsese understands this as well as the Mafia itself all too well. He knows that the inner workings of the Italian crime family is fascinating to those who avidly pursue the knowledge of what goes on under the surface and even more so to those who blissfully ignore its ethereal presence. It is completely inappropriate that I am reminded of the vampire council in “Blade”, but regardless, I am. An organisation that is everywhere but never seen, and have their blood soaked tendrils in everything. The vampire council requires money to get blood, but the Mafia require blood to get money.

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District 9 (2009) Review

It’s nice to visit an old friend again. I’ve been telling people to watch “District 9” for years now, ever since I watched it with my uncle at the ripe old age of 14 or so. It was nice to pick it up again and finally visit what I’ve been telling people is one of my all time favourite science fiction films. I’ve watched a lot more since then, and I can now recognise that “District 9” isn’t as great as I perhaps made it out to be, but for the most part the intriguing plot and the lack of concrete information we receive about the ‘prawns’ keeps the film engaging until we reach the film’s slightly weaker final act. In essence, I still feel there is a lot to like about Neil Blomkamp’s “District 9”, despite it’s diminishing returns upon my second viewing.

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Fantastic Mr Fox (2009) Review

It’s peculiar to think that a director such as Wes Anderson would decide to direct a stop-motion family film based on a book by Roald Dahl, but nevertheless it did happen. It is less surprising to an extent given his admittedly limited work using stop-motion in his films, such as “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” but this time he goes full steam ahead. I remember watching “Fantastic Mr. Fox when it came out and I distinctly recall snorting in superiority when I watched the adverts on TV, back when I was 12 I didn’t give a rat’s ass about who Wes Anderson was but needless to say after the movie I found myself intrigued.

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